I have been told many times, by many people that I have elephant skin lining the inside of my mouth. Not because my skin is thick inside of my mouth, or because it looks gray and rough, or wrinkly – which it doesn’t – but because I seem to withstand the hottest and spiciest foods without even flinching. The majority of these foods are salsas. Even writing this now, I still can’t help but think that the word “salsa” means sauce in Spanish, and can mean any type of sauce. So to clarify even more, I mean the “Mexican” salsa made up of peppers and tomatoes mostly. This elephant skin lined mouth started at a young age, when my late brother Victor used to try and torture me, by making me drink Tabasco sauce. This continued for years until I stopped reacting to his torture, and then he found other ways to torture me. But that’s another blog. Then, since Victor liked spicy, and he and my brother Ed liked to compete with each other, they began having spicy food eating contests, which I would witness. Being young and impressionable, I wanted to join this contest. So, I had them feed me the hot and spicy peppers and other things they would eat. Well, over time, and after having lived in Mexico for almost 2 years, my mouth had become invulnerable to the picante (spicy). Even in Mexico, the locals used to try and “trick” the gringo into eating spicy foods, but failed. I always enjoyed the look of anticipation on their faces hoping to see my face turn red or steam shoot out of my ears, and then a look of amazement, after realizing I could eat spicier foods than the majority of Mexico City. HA! I showed them. :)
Anyways, I have been on a search, for almost 5 years, for the best salsa. This quest started with my roommate Seth and I after deciding that salsa was a very healthy snack food. But, if we were going to be eating it every day, we wanted a salsa we would not grow tired of, or hate. Now, I realize that a person’s opinion of what defines the word “best” can differ from person to person. My definition of the best salsa is difficult to describe, but I will try. First, it must have enough spiciness, or “kick” to leave a tingly feeling in my mouth, but not too much where I cannot taste the flavor of the salsa. Second, it has to actually taste good. After the many years of tasting salsas, I have also realized that there are many kinds of flavors of salsa, so I will only discuss the salty and the sweet. I will just get it out and say that the two best salsas are found at most Albertsons grocery stores. It’s a sad thing to know that some people are deprived of this store. Well, the Albertsons brand of fresh hot salsa is the best salty kind and it’s actually not even hot, and the other is Chachie’s brand Mango Peach flavor is the best sweet kind tied with Santa Barbara brand Mango Peach flavor. And there you have it. I will also mention a brand I was only able to find at a gas station in Kansas City and a Publix grocery store in Miami. This brand is Don Pedro. Not to be confused with Don Juan. It is a salty kind and muy sabroso.
Now, I cannot mention these salsas without also mentioning the chips with which I eat them. I have also tried many chips in search for the best. The two brands of chip that I find to bring out the most in the salsas I eat are Tostitos tortilla chips and Santitas tortilla chips. Santitas happens to be the less expensive of the two, so I frequent that brand. There are many other chip brands that can do a decent job as well, but I choose not to mention them. :) So, if you have tried many salsas like I have, and have come to a different conclusion, feel free to let me know so I may try it as well. Thanks for reading, and may the farts be with you.
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