Thoughts on the new Ninja Turtles movie from the perspective of an oldschool fan...

I am a huge Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles fan. I grew up watching the Ninja Turtles cartoon every day it was on. I had t-shirts and action figures and even Ninja Turtles – shaped cereal

bowls. I used to tape record the episodes on my red portable cassette tape recorder and bring it to school and listen to the episode again at recess. I have a Ninja Turtle nickname (Johnatello). I had a Ninja Turtle themed wedding, with cake toppers and photo booth to boot. I own all the episodes of the series on DVD and still have my action figures and action figure carrying case, along with blankets, cups, water bottles, lunch boxes, puzzles, posters and many other Ninja Turtles paraphernalia. I wanted to be a Ninja Turtle. After reading the book “The Indian in the Cupboard” I wanted to put my Ninja Turtles action figures in the cupboard so I could hang out with them. For Halloween growing up, I was a Ninja Turtle a few years, until I grew out of my authentic looking mask that they don’t make anymore because it’s not child safe (Ha). After years of trying to peek into manholes on the street, hoping to get a peek of the turtles, convincing myself that the only reason I didn’t see them was because they were in New York and not in Sacramento, I realized that they would always be a big part of my life. I’m a big kid still, I know.

This is why they won't let me have a dog.

A few years ago, hearing that another Ninja Turtles movie was being made was like winning the lottery for me. When I first heard that Michael Bay was directing, it didn’t worry me that much, because I liked the first Transformers movie, which cartoon I also enjoyed as a child, and have enjoyed many other Michael Bay movies. Then the sequels were made, and it worried me that he might corrupt my beloved Ninja Turtles. There were rumors he was going to completely change the origin story to make them turtle-aliens instead, and so, I started to worry. Then I heard that I was not the only one who worried and that they decided to scrap the alien idea. Good thinking.

I remember when I went and saw the first Ninja Turtles movie as a kid in the Drive-In Theater and it was a double feature with the Jetson’s movie. I was so excited when the Ninja Turtles movie started. Even though they didn’t have the theme song from the cartoon, they had the logo. It was very different from the cartoon. When Raphael said a bad word, it was a little shocking and disappointing. The disappointment didn’t last long, because the rest of the movie made up for it. The sequel I liked even more. I still sing “Go Ninja, Go Ninja, Go!” in my head all the time. Although, in the second movie, when they didn’t have Bebop and Rocksteady, and had Tokka and Rahzar instead, it bugged me as well, but I got over it. I watched those movies many times growing up. 

Bebop & Rocksteady

Also, for most of my life, I have been an avid movie watcher. I own a large movie library. I received another nickname of “Movie John” at one point in college because I would let people borrow my movies with no other obligation than that of payment in cookies if they didn’t return the movie within 5 days. I took a film class in college that changed the way I looked at movies. I had to re-watch many movies after that. Luckily, it has been a tradition in my life to watch one of the Ninja Turtles movies on my birthday. If one was not available, then I would watch Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure. After watching the Ninja Turtles movies again, I realized that there was a certain aspect of character development that made a person watching love the Turtles. This was something that I find important in a good movie.

After seeing the previews for the new Ninja Turtles movie, I got a little weirded out by the look of the turtles. It took a little getting used to, but I realized that it would make sense that they would look that way. It fit their personalities. After hearing about bad reviews and thinking too hard about what Michael Bay might have changed, I got a little scared. But pizza and a supportive wife easily made the feeling go away. I was ready to see the movie.

 Let me tell you right now that, overall, I liked it

Michael Bay doesn’t disappoint here if you’re looking for an action packed movie, but he needs to work on developing the characters and story a little more, as seems to be his norm these days. I think that the relationship of April O’Neil and the turtles was probably the part they seemed to focus on the most, with the change of the origin story sealing that bond between them. The character development of the turtles and the relationship between them and Splinter could have been further expressed in a more playful, fun way. The scene with the pizza was good. The theme seemed to be about family, but also seemed underdeveloped. I think Shredder was pretty hardcore and I was pleased with that. The Turtles could kick some shell pretty well and were fun to watch fighting, but, to me, needed to be more playful. The movie ended well, but it seemed to come too quickly without the aforementioned developments.

I liked the story and main plot idea, although they seemed underdeveloped as well. The movie would have been better for all with another 30 minutes of development and less of Megan Fox. April O’Neil was a big part of the cartoon, so I was okay on the change in the origin story that included her. I’m also glad they brought Vernon in the picture because he was a big part of the cartoon, and in it, you just love to hate him because of his stupidity. Will Arnett was a perfect choice for that character. The voices of Michelangelo and Donatello were teenager-sounding enough and worked well, but Johnny Knoxville as Leonardo was hard to swallow.  Raphael sounded too dark and not teenager enough as well.  Tony Shalhoub as the voice of Splinter, as much as I love Tony Shalhoub, was a little distracting. His voice lacked the warmth and wisdom and his face needed more fur. When I think of Splinter, I think of a firm, but playful, furry, yet full of fury master and father to the turtles. I can see they tried to portray that, but it felt forced. I did love how Splinter kicked butt though. The use of his tail is what the other Ninja Turtles movies lacked, in my opinion, so that was a good choice.

I know I’m a hard one to please when it comes to my beloved Ninja Turtles, so don’t let the things that bothered me have an effect on your opinion. It was a good action-packed movie with a lot of laughs. It was definitely a PG-13 movie, mostly for violence. It had Raph saying another bad word, which fits his character, but not the Ninja Turtles in general. It was a cartoon for kids first. Just like with the issues I had with the first Ninja Turtles movies, I’m sure I’ll get over the issues with the new one and learn to love it, but only after multiple times watching.

My advice to anyone making a remake of any childhood cartoon would be to consult the fans. If you are not a fan yourself, don’t attempt it. I’m looking forward to the sequel so they can work on more of the sibling dynamic and sensei/pupil, father/son relationship. I love the old movies, and if you are not as critical as I am with this movie, I’m sure you’ll love it. As for me, I just like it… for now.

Something a little more spicy... Salsa!

I have been told many times, by many people that I have elephant skin lining the inside of my mouth. Not because my skin is thick inside of my mouth, or because it looks gray and rough, or wrinkly – which it doesn’t – but because I seem to withstand the hottest and spiciest foods without even flinching. The majority of these foods are salsas. Even writing this now, I still can’t help but think that the word “salsa” means sauce in Spanish, and can mean any type of sauce. So to clarify even more, I mean the “Mexican” salsa made up of peppers and tomatoes mostly. This elephant skin lined mouth started at a young age, when my late brother Victor used to try and torture me, by making me drink Tabasco sauce. This continued for years until I stopped reacting to his torture, and then he found other ways to torture me. But that’s another blog. Then, since Victor liked spicy, and he and my brother Ed liked to compete with each other, they began having spicy food eating contests, which I would witness. Being young and impressionable, I wanted to join this contest. So, I had them feed me the hot and spicy peppers and other things they would eat. Well, over time, and after having lived in Mexico for almost 2 years, my mouth had become invulnerable to the picante (spicy). Even in Mexico, the locals used to try and “trick” the gringo into eating spicy foods, but failed. I always enjoyed the look of anticipation on their faces hoping to see my face turn red or steam shoot out of my ears, and then a look of amazement, after realizing I could eat spicier foods than the majority of Mexico City. HA! I showed them. :)

Anyways, I have been on a search, for almost 5 years, for the best salsa. This quest started with my roommate Seth and I after deciding that salsa was a very healthy snack food. But, if we were going to be eating it every day, we wanted a salsa we would not grow tired of, or hate. Now, I realize that a person’s opinion of what defines the word “best” can differ from person to person. My definition of the best salsa is difficult to describe, but I will try. First, it must have enough spiciness, or “kick” to leave a tingly feeling in my mouth, but not too much where I cannot taste the flavor of the salsa. Second, it has to actually taste good. After the many years of tasting salsas, I have also realized that there are many kinds of flavors of salsa, so I will only discuss the salty and the sweet. I will just get it out and say that the two best salsas are found at most Albertsons grocery stores. It’s a sad thing to know that some people are deprived of this store. Well, the Albertsons brand of fresh hot salsa is the best salty kind and it’s actually not even hot, and the other is Chachie’s brand Mango Peach flavor is the best sweet kind tied with Santa Barbara brand Mango Peach flavor. And there you have it. I will also mention a brand I was only able to find at a gas station in Kansas City and a Publix grocery store in Miami. This brand is Don Pedro. Not to be confused with Don Juan. It is a salty kind and muy sabroso. 

Now, I cannot mention these salsas without also mentioning the chips with which I eat them. I have also tried many chips in search for the best. The two brands of chip that I find to bring out the most in the salsas I eat are Tostitos tortilla chips and Santitas tortilla chips. Santitas happens to be the less expensive of the two, so I frequent that brand. There are many other chip brands that can do a decent job as well, but I choose not to mention them. :) So, if you have tried many salsas like I have, and have come to a different conclusion, feel free to let me know so I may try it as well. Thanks for reading, and may the farts be with you.

P.S. I could not get photos of some of the things I mentioned, so please forgive me.

Just a Blog-art

This will be the first blog I will post, but it is not the first blog I wrote. I wrote one other, which will be the second blog I post. Anyways, I thought I would join the crowd of bloggers and get everyone a little taste of the John-John Johnatello Juanito Jardinero Gardner. Also, I started because I love my family and cousins and want to keep in touch with them. I’ve been a little lame when it comes to keeping in touch with friends and family. I wonder what everyone thinks of me without really having much contact with me over the years; hopefully, all good things. J. I will also be inserting emoticons every once in a while to better infer my feelings behind the words. Also, these blogs will not fully give you the full understanding of who I am. That, my friends, can only be experienced in person. Second best place is Facebook. Also, I’m not sure how regular these will be. So if I slack off, let me know! I live to serve, so make sure I keep serving you. If you want my opinions on things, ask and ye shall receive. I can always use good topic ideas. Okay, that concludes my first posted blog. Live large and prosper.